Mother

Mothers Blue Eyes

- robin

I always knew that I wanted children. I just wanted them. Boys, girls, one or five. When Larry and I had been married a few years and nothing was happening in the baby department, I went to a wonderful DR. {I had a miscarriage before changing DRs.}

STILL nothing happened. It was then when we were put on fertility drugs. {in 1981 this was a big deal} I was pregnant right away after the fertility treatments.

My parents were thrilled. My sisters could not wait to have a niece or nephew. Larry and I just grinned.

My mother knew that the church was very important in our lives….so she approached me. She asked if we had plans on having the baby Baptized. She knew the answer before asking, she just was being polite.

She then asked if she could make the Baptism dress. It was a generous and sweet offer. We said, yes. Please.

Mother just planned the dress {for a boy or a girl} not bothering me with details.

When Baby Lauren was born, she presented the Baptism dress to us. It was stunning. Hand made out of the softest lawn fabric and cotton eyelet.

Here is Lauren in the dress, the day after her Baptism…..

Photo: Lauren Baptism 1981

Below, Jamison also wore the dress. Here is the photo taken the day after her Baptism.

Photo: Jami Baptism 1984

The reason I am sharing this is, I found the Baptism dress yesterday. It was in a drawer in the room where the tree fell into the roof. It had remained there during all of the awful restoration. It makes me sad to think that I had forgotten it. It is a little messy.

It is still wrapped in the blue tissue Mother had put it in. So many memories flood back to me just holding the dress in that blue tissue.

Photo: Baptism Dress. Made by Grace Stevenson 1981

It looks pink in the photo, but it is still white. It is wrinkly, but still so soft. My Mother sewed each stitch of this dress. I love the memories, I love what this dress represents. Even if no other baby ever wears this beautiful dress, the memories I have will fill my heart.

Larry suggested that we take it to the dry cleaner and have it cleaned up and preserved similar to how they preserve wedding dresses. Maybe one day, a baby will come along who needs a hand made Baptism dress.

Memories tug at our souls. We live through the happiness and sadness these memories bring, vowing to find something good in each memory. The week that the tree came through our roof….I was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. I was sad and distracted. I forgot many things that week, besides the Baptism dress. That makes me so sad…..but when I hold the dress, in the blue tissue I can almost see Mothers blue eyes. That is one of the best memories of all.

Love you beyond the moon.

Me

Remembering Gracie

- robin

Yesterday would have been my Mothers birthday. I loved Mother {Gracie} beyond belief and miss her so much that sometimes my heart hurts. She was the best Mom. When I am troubled, sometimes you can hear me whisper: I wish Momma was here.

Grace was beautiful, brilliant, kind, graceful and most of all a good listener.

Gracie died about 6 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer in 1995.The day she was diagnosed, Lauren and Jami asked me to quit smoking. {I did and have not had a cigarette since June 25th, 1995} When I went to Mother and told her that I had quit smoking….what do you think that she said?

She said nothing. Nothing at all. I hope she was proud of me in some way, I know that she was struggling to deal with her cancer and life as she knew it during her last 6 weeks.

The last weekend that she was with us, I spent a huge amount of time with her. We sang songs, talked about the current Readers Digest stories, I cleaned her room {even that blasted chandelier that she had hanging in the master bed room!} and I dragged a Queen Anne chair across her bed {the only route to get it to a certain spot so that when she had visitors, they would be closer to her.} We had icecream in bed and she sent me off on errands so that she could have time with My Larry. Larry and Mother were very close.

OK. I know, you get it. I loved my Mother and she was one of the most important people in my life. {besides Larry} Sometimes a girl just has to say these things outloud.

Photo: Mother and Norman on their wedding day

Yesterday I felt very blue. The darn weather was miserable and I was missing Mother like crazy. While Larry was in town at meetings, I put Netflix on my laptop and while working on a project, I watched the first movie that came on the “feed”…it was called “Otherhood” and darned if it was not about 3 Moms.

It is an easy movie to watch and I loved seeing it on Mothers Birthday. Larry said that he would watch it with me again if I would like him to.

Yesterday, I had a few notes from people who remembered Mother. I loved hearing from each and every person and heard a few new stories. Each time that happens I think, Isn’t it wonderful how people are Remembering Gracie?

Love you beyond all the special stars in the sky.

Me

I’d Rather

- robin

I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day;

I’d rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way. 
~Edgar A. Guest~ 

My mother often spoke of how her father liked Edgar Guest. Perhaps that is why I enjoy reading his poetry so much.

Mother died in 1995. I grieved for her for a very long time. She was never close, because I could not feel her near.

Until lately.

Memories have flooded back and sometimes she is as near as that quiet space in front of me. Larry said, she is near now because…..She is proud of me? I need her now? So many wonderful things are happening? I guess the answer is all of the above.

Love you beyond the moon.

Me